brip blap - Latest Comments in 31 causes of failure: #2, Lack of a well-defined purpose in life

Re: 31 causes of failure: #2, Lack of a well-defined purpose in life

Know The Ledge — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 23:01:49 -0000

I'm somewhat in the same boat, I think in general I have a lot of interests, but sometimes my attention span for those interests doesn't stay around for very long. I've had to work very hard to learn to focus on a few interests at one time, and not get caught up in all the new things I feel like doing.

Re: 31 causes of failure: #2, Lack of a well-defined purpose in life

Brian — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 10:29:19 -0000

Steve,

Thanks for the reply, and the perspective. I've told my wife that I'm willing to not skydive while our kids are so young and dependent on us, and she wants me to commit to not skydiving until they get out of high school. We're considering going to counseling to see if a third-party can help lend some objectivity to this "discussion." She's convinced that I'm not considering our kids future if I decide to skydive and I think it's just a difference of opinion regarding the relative "safety" of skydiving. There's lots of skydiving safety statistics online (http://entertainment.howstuffworks.com/skydivin... or http://www.supremesite.com/skydive/skydiving_st...) , and, while I'm not saying it doesn't have risks, I'm just saying that I do consider the risks of anything I do and how it might affect my family before I decide to pursue that activity or not.

The additional $1300/yr. cost to my life insurance also affects my decision, and I would NEVER consider resuming it without having life insurance and accidental death & dismemberment coverage...

Thanks for the scuba statistic. Makes me wonder if she would have the same objection if I wanted to start diving...

Re: 31 causes of failure: #2, Lack of a well-defined purpose in life

Steve (Brip Blap) — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 10:10:30 -0000

@Brian: Hm. I had a good friend who had a skydiving accident and smashed his lower leg and ankle into shreds - it took several surgeries and pins and physical therapy, etc. to get him back to speed. He said that was it for him - not because he was scared but because he couldn't risk it with a small child.

But - and this is a big but - it wasn't something he was burning with passion to do. He certainly didn't define himself as a skydiver, and he just turned himself to other pursuits. It's a really tricky question. If part of your identity - your reason for "being" - is tied up in skydiving, you have to ask yourself if you'll be miserable and a worse father and husband if you stop doing it. If you will, you shouldn't stop - maybe you can scale it back, or do "safer" dives. However, you also have to ask yourself which would be worse - missing the thrill of skydiving or missing seeing your children grow up.

I'm willing to bet you are causing your wife a lot of stress. Think about whether all that is worth it - all of THEIR stress is worth your enjoyment - and then make a decision. And if you decide to keep skydiving, make sure you are insured to the max. Don't add fear of financial-disaster-through-accidents to your family's stress, too!

Really, risk is everywhere. Getting in a careening metal box and driving at 60-70 miles per hour on roads with other metal boxes headed toward you at the same speed is awfully dangerous, too. I walked through a subway station in Moscow once that blew up and killed 80 people 30 minutes later once. Life is risky.

(as a side note, do you know more people die scuba diving than skydiving every year?)

Re: 31 causes of failure: #2, Lack of a well-defined purpose in life

Brian — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 09:46:45 -0000

Excellent post! How do you feel about the difficulty of weighing the risk of your purpose vs. the reward? For example, as a father, you're responsible for providing for your children and being there for them (at least if you want to be a GOOD father). The risk of sailing across the Atlantic to Ireland could jeopardize that responsibility. I ask this because I've been skydiving for 16 years, I have 2 small children (1 and 3), and my wife is now telling me that pursuing my passion of skydiving is no longer an acceptable risk. I define myself as a father, husband and skydiver, but I'm not sure how to resolve the risk involved...

Thanks again for inspiring me to start writing and keeping a journal again!!

Re: 31 causes of failure: #2, Lack of a well-defined purpose in life

Frank — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:53:20 -0000

The best well-defined purpose is to know THE purpose of life. The book i can suggest is YOU WERE BORN FOR A REASON by Takamori
www.i-ipi.com

Re: 31 causes of failure: #2, Lack of a well-defined purpose in life

calgirlfinance — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 01:37:31 -0000

Steve, Great post. Recently I've been thinking that I need to read Napolean Hill's Think and Grow Rich. This blog post has further encouraged me to read the book. I'm not surprised that on 2% have a well defined purpose! I try to talk with my husband about his goals and he has a hard time even articulating short term goals. He's a smart, successful, and wonderful person, so I think this is pretty common. I have short term goals, but they may not all relate to what I want my purpose in life to be.

Re: 31 causes of failure: #2, Lack of a well-defined purpose in life

Dana — Sun, 09 Mar 2008 13:21:29 -0000

I agree that having kids isn't a purpose. Furthermore, trying to make them into a purpose is an almost guaranteed formula for strained relationships with your kids. Children are thinking human beings just like we are, and to mature well they will need to formulate their own life purposes. And they have to do that the way we all have to do it, based on their interests and their talents. Those will necessarily differ from the interests and talents of their parents.

You could say "raising my children to be happy, productive members of society" is a goal, and that is probably what most people mean when they say having kids is a goal, but if you think about it, this goal must be necessarily vague. Why? Because our ideas of what constitutes "happy" and "productive" are going to necessarily differ from our children's ideas of what constitutes "happy" and "productive." So our concepts of those terms as pertain to our children are going to be necessarily vague. And a vague goal is not a goal that leads to success.

Re: 31 causes of failure: #2, Lack of a well-defined purpose in life

RC@ThinkYourWayToWealth — Sat, 08 Mar 2008 18:57:27 -0000

Great post. This is one of my favorite books as well, and has really gotten me to begin taking charge of my personal finances. (My blog is named after one of his other books, actually). I am looking forward to reading your future posts in this series.

Re: 31 causes of failure: #2, Lack of a well-defined purpose in life

ChuckBartok — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 23:04:43 -0000

Forgot, I also have a weekly newsletter pointing to the individual episodes of the Talk Show from Chapter to chapter, just send a blank E-mail to: overachiever@aweber.com It requires double Opt-in so look out for the verification E-mail

Re: 31 causes of failure: #2, Lack of a well-defined purpose in life

Steve (Brip Blap) — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 22:49:09 -0000

@Chuck Bartok: I will definitely check that out.

@Saving Diva: Trust me, I'm always struggling with it too. You will find it - we all will, if we try. It's only if you accept being a routine person that you won't find purpose. I'm trying to think of it this way these days: what would I like to give back?

@Bouncing Betty, @dawn: It's great that you're working on Purpose Set #2! Same response that I gave Saving Diva: always look at it in terms of what you can give back. That's a helpful kick start to any question of purpose...

@guinness416: Very good point. I can tell you that I always thought that having kids would flood me with an overwhelming and unending sense of purpose, that would eliminate all need for external purpose to disappear. It doesn't. Having kids is not a purpose. Having a good relationship with your spouse is not a purpose. Being happy is not a purpose. I was really bummed to discover this. Purpose seems to be external to family. I feel an overwhelming pride in my son's accomplishments and happiness and if he grows up to be a good man and a good father himself I'd die happy. BUT... it wouldn't fulfill that need for purpose. Maybe it's just me, and maybe you've given me good fodder for a future post. Sailing to Ireland isn't a purpose, but challenging yourself against the Atlantic is. People are weird. You would think having a roof, three hots and a cot would be enough but it isn't. I am already wealthier and healthier than 99.99% of the human population and I natter on about self-improvement. We are just lucky to be here at the leading edge of human history, seeking purpose instead of grubbing for calories to survive until the next day...

(end bleakness)

Re: 31 causes of failure: #2, Lack of a well-defined purpose in life

guinness416 — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 20:44:34 -0000

I don't understand why family (or a more defined goal that is centred around family) is not enough but sailing to Ireland is. (Did they have quarter life crises when Hill was writing?!) If you don't include "sending successful kids out into the world by the time I'm 50" or something, of course you'll only find 2 per cent or so.

Re: 31 causes of failure: #2, Lack of a well-defined purpose in life

dawn — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 17:49:25 -0000

I need to read this book - and I appreciate the exercises you have listed to define my purpose. I had a well-defined purpose for the first half of my life ( early childhood education / rental properties ). But now at this point I'm so ready for something new - a new direction and like you stated... PURPOSE!
Thanks for the post - very inspiring for me!

Re: 31 causes of failure: #2, Lack of a well-defined purpose in life

Bouncing Betty — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 14:22:01 -0000

Great Post! I am also trying to find my new purpose in life. After a number of years working towards specific goals, I find myself for the first time wondering What Now. Alas I've been wondering What Now for a number of years........

Re: 31 causes of failure: #2, Lack of a well-defined purpose in life

SavingDiva — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 13:25:41 -0000

Wow! This post sums up what I'm feeling about my life right now. I lack purpose...and drive.

Re: 31 causes of failure: #2, Lack of a well-defined purpose in life

ChuckBartok — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 12:35:29 -0000

Since we both seem to have an affinity to Hill andd his writings, I thought you would enjoy the Text and Audio clearly defining his Secret.

The Secret of Think & GROW Rich

We also discuss Hil,l Haanel and Wattles in detail on The Focus Society of Overachievers Live Talk Show, just click on my Name.
Join us Live