brip blap - Latest Comments in giving gifts in the office

Re: giving gifts in the office

katy — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 12:54:05 -0000

You are right! ITA and amen.

Re: giving gifts in the office

chad — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 22:29:15 -0000

There was a nurse at the office like that. Pretty soon, it had gotten so that people didn't trust her. They felt as though she was trying to"buy people's friendships." She also made it appear that the gifts were only from her, it was annoying to say the least. She would also spend the most on the people that she liked or were Docotrs. Her reputation for her lack of genuinuity eventually got her dismissed from the office which I think stemmed from here. I don't think you are being a jerk, I think you are being smart. Sometimes just a nice gesture such as, "hey happy birthday, have a good one," with genuine wishes is much more value to the person than a hey, here's a gift, now you are obligated to me in some way!

Re: giving gifts in the office

R. Smith — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 18:29:17 -0000

I agree with all of the above. It is especially bad in small, private companies (about 100 employees) in an office environment. We have our "office busybody", who happens to be in HR, and the email goes out about a dinner or lunch for whatever occasion (usually bridal/baby/engagement) and then the line at the bottom about where to contribute for the gift. (The company foots the bill for the food) I have been at this company 1 year and have received said emails at least 10 times. This doesn't include buying the girl scout cookies, donating to the walk-a-thon, buying frozen pizzas, etc. I come to work to MAKE money, not give it away. I'll donate to people I know well, but if I gave $10 to every occasion, or bought an item from every fund raiser, I'd have spent well over $300 in the past year. They should have a no solicitation policy, and just get a cake for each occasion!

Re: giving gifts in the office

Steve (Brip Blap) — Thu, 08 May 2008 22:18:49 -0000

@supersabby: Well, I'll put it this way - if I contributed, contributed, contributed, and then when it was my turn got nothing, I think I would drop out of the contribution chain, personally. As a consultant I've always been very hard-hearted - I don't contribute anything, ever, for any reason. I think if you give sometimes and don't other times, it's tough to defend. I just politely decline every single time I'm asked. If asked why, I usually point out that I have enough expenses for gifts and whatnot in my personal life without adding office contributions. People usually don't push too much.

I would give one other piece of advice - don't call in sick, don't say you bought another gift. The next time there's another mother-to-be you'll have to dance around this again. Just get it over with - say that you just don't want to contribute. But unless you are firm and simply say 'no' you will endlessly be making up excuses and squirming out of it. Set the pattern and eventually people will leave you alone.

Re: giving gifts in the office

supersabby — Wed, 07 May 2008 13:46:10 -0000

At my office we have a set of office busybodies that coordinate birthday lunches and showers for their friends in the department--I've always pitched in with my "donation" but I recently got married and although I previously attended three other people's showers and asked to donate $20 each time, I wasn't given one. I invited a few of my co-workers who did give a gift (1 attended the wedding, 2 people didn't attend but still gave a gift).

One of the women I work with is having a surprise shower next week, and we've been asked to donate $20 yet again. I guess I wouldn't hesitate if I was getting reciprocal treatment, but recently when I had to pay for my own lunch on my birthday even though I always pitch in for my co-workers--I was really upset. I really hate having to do the mandatory donation in general--its awkward and when its not done for everyone it can be really hurtful.

I'm not sure what I should do now--I don't want to look like the office jerk/cheapskate, but I also want to stop gift giving to people who don't feel obligated to the sort for me. A friend of mine in a different department told me to call in sick, and another told me just to tell the busybody that I already bought another gift intended for the mom-to-be. Any advice??

Re: giving gifts in the office

jane Doe — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 20:27:57 -0000

well my take on it is, I have worked there for 17 years and given for every wedding/baby shower/funeral as well as attended the functions and I am about to be married in a week and 2 people at this whole place have given me a gift. Pisses me off, sorry. I will NEVER again give to anyone for any such occasions.

Re: giving gifts in the office

Steve (Brip Blap) — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 13:28:52 -0000

23 JB { 01.24.08 at 1:03 am } This bothers me too. Also, at my workplace it’s selective, if someone is willing to organize a gift or luncheon for a person who’s leaving, having a birthday, etc. When I was a new employee I would say ‘no’ nicely, but then I honestly thought it may give me a bad impression to my co-workers, as not being a ‘team player’. By participating in the office exchanges, I feel ‘included’ and privy to inside watercooler info, that’s just me.

24 Living Off Dividends { 01.24.08 at 1:00 pm } those bastards!
i’ve always gotten emails,which I promptly delete.

I did cough up 20 bucks for a co-workers wife who was walking for 3 days for breast-cancer. I was really pissed when I didn’t get a receipt for my taxes!

25 Laudy { 01.24.08 at 3:59 pm } I was asked to donate $35 for a Christmas gift for my boss. My husband and I are working like crazy to pay off student loans and personal debt. I didn’t even spend $35 on my 4 year old for Christmas!!

26 Live from the Belly of the Beast { 01.25.08 at 8:22 am } Laudy- how do you handle that? My co-workers don’t know about the credit crisis we’re in so I can’t say no-thanks on that basis.

@JB: That's really the problem, isn't it? If it was truly optional and voluntary you could just say hey, I don't feel like participating. But there's a subtle and firm pressure to 'be part of the crew' in every office. Some offices are worse than others. One place where I worked had such an intricate and set-in-stone "who-eats-lunch-with-who" structure that it was infuriating. So you're right - if you chip in and you feel it makes it a better place to work for you, then do it. It's just unfortunate that anyone feels they have to give money to feel 'part of the in-crowd,' isn't it?

@LOD: Yeah, I always felt like a creep asking for receipts for things like that, but really - why should I feel like a creep?

@Laudy: In that case, you're stuck. It's hard to go around announcing to people that you're trying to pay down debts so you can't afford to contribute. People will grumble. "Hey, times are tough everywhere, and Laudy's just being cheap," etc. It's unfair that - again - a "gift" requires pressure. Like LFTBOTB says, if your co-workers don't know, how can you beg off?

I'll throw out a simple-to-say but hard-to-do solution: just say "no thanks." What else can you do? Just say money's tight. I know it's hard, because people are embarrassed to talk about money, but it's YOUR money and YOUR future. Long after the job is in the past, the choices you made - about how to fritter away money on gifts you didn't want to buy for people you didn't stay in touch with - will still be with you.

Re: giving gifts in the office

Live from the Belly of the Bea — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 07:22:05 -0000

Laudy- how do you handle that? My co-workers don't know about the credit crisis we're in so I can't say no-thanks on that basis.

Re: giving gifts in the office

Laudy — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 14:59:04 -0000

I was asked to donate $35 for a Christmas gift for my boss. My husband and I are working like crazy to pay off student loans and personal debt. I didn't even spend $35 on my 4 year old for Christmas!!

Re: giving gifts in the office

Living Off Dividends — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 12:00:19 -0000

those bastards!
i've always gotten emails,which I promptly delete.

I did cough up 20 bucks for a co-workers wife who was walking for 3 days for breast-cancer. I was really pissed when I didn't get a receipt for my taxes!

Re: giving gifts in the office

JB — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 00:03:44 -0000

This bothers me too. Also, at my workplace it's selective, if someone is willing to organize a gift or luncheon for a person who's leaving, having a birthday, etc. When I was a new employee I would say 'no' nicely, but then I honestly thought it may give me a bad impression to my co-workers, as not being a 'team player'. By participating in the office exchanges, I feel 'included' and privy to inside watercooler info, that's just me.

Re: giving gifts in the office

Steve (Brip Blap) — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 22:57:01 -0000

I'm glad to see I wasn't alone on this one. I am still driven nuts - even as a consultant - on this one. I was hit up for a Christmas gift for the head of my department recently. I refused - and I told the busybody in advance not to invite me to the painful gift-giving ceremony. However, they did - publicly - and I had to again refuse.

I guess it all comes back to this - nobody at work is worth my money in the long run compared to my Little Buddy. How can I take from him and give to them? I can't! I know it makes me appear cheap and mean, but I just can't do it....

Re: giving gifts in the office

Laudy — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 18:12:34 -0000

I completely agree with Belly of the Beast. So you're getting married- Big deal. You're having ANOTHER baby- Big deal. I am so tired of "celebrating" the decisions (of which have little consequence to me) and lives of people I barely know. I work hard to support ME!! And exactly why are "upper-management" the ones who benefit the most?

Re: giving gifts in the office

fathersez — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 21:27:34 -0000

I agree, this is a real pain.

A couple of times, I have paid and then deliberately missed the "celebrations".

I have already made of my mind to say no the next time and just be the office leper.

Re: giving gifts in the office

Live from the Belly of the Bea — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 20:17:39 -0000

I used to work in an office where the *busybody* would actually go buy the gift for the random person upstairs and demand my "share" afterwards. At my current work I'm annoyed by baby showers and wedding gifts. Not that I want more junk, but really, these people didn't know me when I got married, and I'm not going to have kids so it's a little lopsided.

Re: giving gifts in the office

aeko — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 19:10:39 -0000

Also really gets me when you are asked to lug food into the office for the potluck. so now you are juggling your briefcase, your shoulder bag, and the food container. Across the parking lot@ up the elevator.

Re: giving gifts in the office

bubelah — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 11:06:32 -0000

I hated it so much when I used to work. One time, I remember, a woman from another department approached me to tell me that she is collecting money for so-and-so's baby shower right in front of my then boss. First of all, the girl was not from my department, second of all, all the interaction I had with the future mother-to-be were not pleasant. I just shrugged it off and said "oh, nice" and didn't run for my wallet. The "busybody" was "following up" with me via phone and e-mails about donation. I still can't believe it. I started avoiding her in the hallways.
Thankfully my dept. was not so big and all the cakes came out of the departm. budget.

Re: giving gifts in the office

paperchase — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 21:31:00 -0000

No I don't think you are crazy for feeling that way. I worked in a large department where there are many employees. It seemed like you're giving a few bucks here and there everyday for crap. We all need more meaningless junk, like we need a hold in the head.

The times where it ticked me off was when my peers decided to buy our boss a gift. It was never usually cheap. The problem was that she tap danced on my nerves everyday. So why the hell would I want to give her the money that I have to beg for every time annual review came around?
Not to mention that the company had some agreement with a large charity to rustle up support every year from the employees. Contributing was mandatory for the management team. I didn't appreciate being coerced into donating my money or time to a charity that I didn't choose. Whew! Thanks for letting me get that off my chest...

Re: giving gifts in the office

thickenmywallet — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 20:18:50 -0000

I tend to find the bigger the organization, the more "pressure" is exerted. I have worked for big and small and, in a small office, everyone is friends so nothing seems forced.

I agree with Four Pillars- I am annoyed when someone picks a charity for me at work and thinks it is more important to promote that cause than any other. We all have our pet charitable causes; why is someone picking one for me?

Re: giving gifts in the office

FourPillars — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 20:14:51 -0000

Man, this post says it all!

We don't go as far as bdays but we always do a gift ceremony thing for people who are having babies and leaving the company. I don't mind it so much but in my office the card is always put into an inter-office envelope and if someone decides that your dept knows the person well enough then all your names get put on the envelope and you have to cross it off. Very annoying, especially if you barely know/hate the person.

I've only ever not done it a couple of times when a) I really didn't like the person and b) there was a woman who I didn't like was having her 9th baby (approximately) and I just didn't have it in me to donate any money or write something on the card.

I will say however in my office that the $$ amount is totally voluntary.

Another thing that annoys me is that we have management driven "charity" draws where the admins will go around and ask you to buy tickets - pretty hard to say no.

Mike

p.s. - for the record - Mrs. Pillars and I used to work at the same company.

Re: giving gifts in the office

deepali — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 19:25:17 -0000

I can't imagine the crazy logistics where I work for this kind of thing. Usually, there's a cake for a birthday (or even better, a cake for the birthdays in a given month). There's also a card to sign. But no obligatory gift-giving... I've only ever contributed to a going-away present for someone I worked with every day for several years, and once I went to a baby shower held at work. I've never felt like anything was required, but I'm also kind of dense to things like that. No guilt complex for me. :)

Re: giving gifts in the office

Investing911 — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 18:41:43 -0000

I often think the busybody that is collecting the money takes in more than they pay out for the gift!

Re: giving gifts in the office

Meg — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 18:38:59 -0000

In the department where I used to work they finally did away with all gift giving for birthdays. They had been doing group gifts for evern employee for years, as it was a small tight knit group, but as the department grew it became too much, too often. Plus, the salary discrepancy in that place was large, and people who made more resented the obligation to contribute more--many times those who made the least wouldn't contribute or would only put in $2, but the problem was most of the gifts were for those employees, as there were more of them.

In my new department no one takes up donations for anything, and I love it! I don't want crappy random gifts, and I don't want to give them either.

Re: giving gifts in the office

JvW — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 18:07:38 -0000

I am not a big fan of office gifts, especially since it always seems to be for the same people - the managers. Just last week we gave our manager a gift card to Starbucks at our Christmas party. He softened the blow, however, by saying he'll be using it to buy us all coffees one day.

Re: giving gifts in the office

Brooke (Dollar Frugal) — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 17:30:11 -0000

I HATE office gifts. They always approach you in front of a group of people and ask loudly. It's uncomfortable!