Weird story. I would think you'd have to be on cloud nine to not even to know the ballpark figure but, like you say, people amaze. Wonder why she was listening to Ramsey to start with? Mind you, I've read a couple of blog posts along the lines of "I'm putting together a folder of account numbers in case I die because spouse doesn't know any of them" and wonder why those are necessary too.
Moneymonk
· 2 months ago
It depends, if she was over 60, that the generation that grew up like that. However, the caller had to be embarrassed. That's why she had a nervous giggle. Her husband picked a good submission wife
Gordo
· 2 months ago
There is an older generation that was VERY PRIVATE about salary info, this seems strange to me today. My Dad never shared his salary info with his kids, ever. But I would assume my Mom knew at least :)
But some spouses just have no interest in the family finances and they trust their spouse 100%, this is probably not as uncommon as you'd think. My wife is in this boat. She absolutely abhors managing and paying bills, and has no interest in investing. She has no idea what our net worth is and never bothers to ask. At certain milestones I have told her in the past, but she quickly forgets. She could not tell you where our money is invested or even all of the institutions we have money with. So I'm one of those guys that has an "if I die" set of instructions & information...
leslie@spillingbuckets
· 2 months ago
I've heard similar callers a few times on his show - it always amazes me. I agree with the other comments that she was probably (hopefully) older when things like this were much more common. (Similar but different field: my grandpa didn't know how to use the washer and dryer until he was 85 and my grandma broker her arm so couldn't do the laundry. He learned quickly, but it was never something he concerned himself with - this lady sounds like she was in the same boat but about finances)
I do know several friends who are 20somethings with very traditional ideas of gender roles though. There are some guys I know who would never set foot in a kitchen, and some women who would never pay a bill.
misformoney
· 2 months ago
I think this is way more common than you realize, I would bet there are people who don't know what they themselves make in a year. A lot of people are completely clueless about money, and proud of it. My dad is one of those guys, he finds his financial ignorance funny. It irritates me to no end cause some day he'll be old and broke and my problem. If more couples took the time to discuss their finances there would be a lot fewer fights about money. Instead most people wait until it becomes an out of control problem.
Steve
· 2 months ago
It's a complete guess, by the way, but everyone seems to think she was older. I would guess - and it's 101% a guess - that she was in her 50s, maybe. She did not sound at all like an old woman, in any sense. Voices can be deceptive, so I wouldn't bet money on it, but I think she was a middle-aged woman in full possession of her faculties.
freeby50
· 2 months ago
I agree with other commenter that it would make a lot more sense if the woman was older. But there are still people out there with very outdated ideas on gender roles.
Whatever the case, she really should find out what their financial state is.
ulyana
· 2 months ago
Hi! Long time reader, never a commenter :)
You seem to be almost enraged in this post, which happens rarely on this blog :)
In my marriage, I'm all about money, I'm responsible for it, I talk a lot about it, money management comes naturally to me - you get the point. My husband, on the other hand, just has no clue. And, honestly, neither he nor me would entrust him with managing our money. Although I do talk often about it and get him involved in our financial decisions, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be able to answer certain questions about our mortgage/savings/IRAs/etc. And I think I should make an "in case I die" folder.
I don't think it's such a bad thing. We are married, we are a team, and one of us is stronger in one area, the other one is another, so it makes sense to "specialize".
I'm not saying that being so clueless that you'd have no idea how much your spouse makes is OK. But some cluelessness, I suppose, is natural in a marriage since you rely on each other. Or, in other words, it's not stupidity.
Bret
· 2 months ago
I agree with Ulyana.
Sometimes in a marriage one person is the banker and in our marriage that's me. We are single income and I handle all of the finances. Fortunately, I make enough so we have a nice lifestyle, but it wasn't always that way. We used to have to scrape by and I am the saver and the frugal one. We tried a joint bank account, but that didn't work out too well.
BTW, this isn't a sexist thing. I also cook, clean and used to change diapers and watch the kids. In my family, my Mom was the banker and she was an incredible money manager. I would love for my wife to pay all of the bills while I am at work. But, it's not her thing.
The point I'm making is that every family is different, so please don't rush to judgement. We do what works the best for us.
bubelah
· 2 months ago
I think you are missing the point here. I agree that there should be some separation of duties. Whoever does it better should do it or whoever has time. I do a better job cleaning, so I do it. Steve's duty is to take out the garbage. But I still know where the trash can is and when are the garbage pick-up days. So when Steve's on a business trip we are not drowning in trash. The point is that both parties should be aware of how much money comes in and how much money comes out. Two people in the family do not need to be involved in bill payin but both should be aware of the expenses and how to do it, in case one of you falls ill, or dies, or hits the road. I am sure your wife knows how much you make and how to get cash from ATM, in case she needs it.
Bret
· 2 months ago
Bubelah,
Thanks for your message. I was expecting some grief from Steve over my comment, since he was pretty animated about this subject. I'm glad you replied instead. I definitely got the point. But, our situation is very different than yours.
Next week, we will have been married for 19 years. And, I worry a lot about how my family would do if anything happened to me. Like Ulyana, I have thought about putting together a packet. If I got hit by a bus tomorrow, I would be leaving my family in very sound financial condition.
As a PF blogger, I have tried very hard to educate her and my kids (ages 16 & 20) over many years. And, she has picked up some of it. But, in general, she doesn't have any interest it the finances and is happy to let me handle it. My previous comment that it "isn't her thing" was pretty accurate.
For now, she leads a pretty charmed life. She doesn't have to work, she has an allowance and she definitely knows how to use the ATM. And, if anything happens to me, I'm pretty sure she could learn to pay the bills.
Steve
· 2 months ago
@Bret: Unfortunately I composed a reply that got crushed in a system lock-up, but Bubelah did manage to sum up my thinking. I'd say that the main thing I'd worry about in your shoes would be two statements you made:
1. "I have thought about putting together a packet." 2. "I'm pretty sure she could learn to pay the bills"
Neither of those statements really sounds very confident. If you have a packet - or even if you have an accountant or trusted family member who has a good understanding of your finances - fine. But if you don't have a packet, your family's at risk. Don't assume charmed lives are guaranteed to continue to be charmed - that's why we all have insurance.
mywellofwealth
· 2 months ago
Interesting. I have to add my own thoughts to this. How do married couples who do not know how much the other makes stay married, let alone be in harmony with each other? It's like along a cliff in a blindfold. My Well Of wealth
Laura G
· 2 months ago
Yeah, my parents are the other way around -- my mom's been a stay-at-home mom since I was born (despite them being empty-nesters now -- hey, whatever works for them!), but my dad has *no idea* what his salary is. My mom quizzed him once and he wasn't even close (I don't know if he was high or low, though). He has direct deposit, and she does all the bills and facepalms a lot when he makes completely clueless observations. On the plus side, they do have files with this information for each other. On the minus side? The file are password-protected, and the passwords? In the files. Of course.
All Comments
But some spouses just have no interest in the family finances and they trust their spouse 100%, this is probably not as uncommon as you'd think. My wife is in this boat. She absolutely abhors managing and paying bills, and has no interest in investing. She has no idea what our net worth is and never bothers to ask. At certain milestones I have told her in the past, but she quickly forgets. She could not tell you where our money is invested or even all of the institutions we have money with. So I'm one of those guys that has an "if I die" set of instructions & information...
I do know several friends who are 20somethings with very traditional ideas of gender roles though. There are some guys I know who would never set foot in a kitchen, and some women who would never pay a bill.
Whatever the case, she really should find out what their financial state is.
You seem to be almost enraged in this post, which happens rarely on this blog :)
In my marriage, I'm all about money, I'm responsible for it, I talk a lot about it, money management comes naturally to me - you get the point. My husband, on the other hand, just has no clue. And, honestly, neither he nor me would entrust him with managing our money. Although I do talk often about it and get him involved in our financial decisions, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be able to answer certain questions about our mortgage/savings/IRAs/etc. And I think I should make an "in case I die" folder.
I don't think it's such a bad thing. We are married, we are a team, and one of us is stronger in one area, the other one is another, so it makes sense to "specialize".
I'm not saying that being so clueless that you'd have no idea how much your spouse makes is OK. But some cluelessness, I suppose, is natural in a marriage since you rely on each other. Or, in other words, it's not stupidity.
Sometimes in a marriage one person is the banker and in our marriage that's me. We are single income and I handle all of the finances. Fortunately, I make enough so we have a nice lifestyle, but it wasn't always that way. We used to have to scrape by and I am the saver and the frugal one. We tried a joint bank account, but that didn't work out too well.
BTW, this isn't a sexist thing. I also cook, clean and used to change diapers and watch the kids. In my family, my Mom was the banker and she was an incredible money manager. I would love for my wife to pay all of the bills while I am at work. But, it's not her thing.
The point I'm making is that every family is different, so please don't rush to judgement. We do what works the best for us.
I am sure your wife knows how much you make and how to get cash from ATM, in case she needs it.
Thanks for your message. I was expecting some grief from Steve over my comment, since he was pretty animated about this subject. I'm glad you replied instead. I definitely got the point. But, our situation is very different than yours.
Next week, we will have been married for 19 years. And, I worry a lot about how my family would do if anything happened to me. Like Ulyana, I have thought about putting together a packet. If I got hit by a bus tomorrow, I would be leaving my family in very sound financial condition.
As a PF blogger, I have tried very hard to educate her and my kids (ages 16 & 20) over many years. And, she has picked up some of it. But, in general, she doesn't have any interest it the finances and is happy to let me handle it. My previous comment that it "isn't her thing" was pretty accurate.
For now, she leads a pretty charmed life. She doesn't have to work, she has an allowance and she definitely knows how to use the ATM. And, if anything happens to me, I'm pretty sure she could learn to pay the bills.
1. "I have thought about putting together a packet."
2. "I'm pretty sure she could learn to pay the bills"
Neither of those statements really sounds very confident. If you have a packet - or even if you have an accountant or trusted family member who has a good understanding of your finances - fine. But if you don't have a packet, your family's at risk. Don't assume charmed lives are guaranteed to continue to be charmed - that's why we all have insurance.